Grilled Head Cheese

An Open Letter to the Hardee's Marketing Department:

I was watching your commercial for your grilled cheese bacon thickburger last night and was dumbfounded. I mean, slapped-in-the-face-with-a-herring dumbfounded. (See dramatic video clip).  This idea is so idiotic, such a monumental head-scratcher, that, in the pantheon of bone-headed product releases, I'd group it with, dare I say, New Coke and the Edsel.

Sadly, I think your marketing department might be confused about what constitutes a grilled cheese sandwich. For most of us, it's grilled cheese. Maybe a nice, ripe tomato. Bacon slices? Ok, you're pushing it. But what you've got a hold of, I'm afraid, is a cheeseburger. A burger with cheese, as it were.

If you're trying to sell a grilled cheese sandwich, here's an idea, start by making it without a burger. If your customers want a cheeseburger, they'll order one. And since you're trying to market a grilled cheese to sensitive, yet ruggedly attractive grownups (as your commercial suggests), then you might want to consider why they're ordering it. I'm guessing it's because they don't want meat in their sandwich. I hear many vegetarians feel this way too.

So there you go, a unique marketing angle. Fast food for vegetarians. If you like my ideas and want to hear more, I'm available for freelance marketing consultations. You can pay me in grilled cheese.